On Civility

Recently BaBa Richard and I have been teaching on Civility using PM Forni’s “Choosing Civility” as a textbook. (Teaching available at schoolofalchemy.love) Our students have been so blown away and have told us that this teaching is making a HUGE distinction in their lives because they didn’t realize how many common behaviors are UNCIVIL.

One of the fundamental principles of civility found in the book is:

“Courtesy, politeness, manners, and civility are all, in essence, forms of awareness. Being civil means being constantly aware of others and weaving restraint, respect, and consideration into the very fabric of this awareness. Civility is a form of goodness; it is gracious goodness.”

Restraint
Respect
Consideration

These three words say so very much. One of the benefits of this teaching (as opposed to simply reading the book) is that it provides an opportunity to unpack real present day concerns and to place them within the framework of Civility. Students get to really SEE and understand not just how to be civil but how much JOY and PLEASURE civility adds to your life RIGHT NOW today.

This morning during my daily contemplation breastfeeding arose.
I’ve actually been sitting with it for a few days.
You see my love, as a mother of 8 (4 by birth, and four bonus children) I breast fed for 8 years total. I nursed my babies in church, in the mall, at the bus stop, and in other public places while at that time living in the most conservative towns in America.

I was never yelled at.

No one ever said it was nasty or disgusting.

This was over 25 years ago when nursing was far less common and had far less public support. I knew other mothers who nursed as well and while we were still the exception rather than the rule… no one had any incidents of meanness.

As I sat in contemplation I asked- “What’s different?”

“Civility.”

You see my loves- in civility (as in all social graces) the weight of being civil is always on YOU and not on the other person.

So if YOU – are a passerby – you have a responsibility to show restraint – by not making comments in the presence of the nursing mama, respect – by averting your gaze, and consideration by not attempting to engage her in conversation or distract her from what she is doing.

Yes. This makes perfect sense…

What you don’t hear spoken of though is…

If YOU are a nursing mama – you have a responsibility to show restraint, respect and consideration for others by being DISCREET, covering your breast or moving to another location if that is no feasible, not taking the opportunity that is precious and beautiful to thumb your nose at others or society.

Not because anyone is FORCING you to – but because to behave in any other way would be uncivil.

Restraint. Respect. Consideration.

As a woman and a mother- I find these traits to be needed MORE by mothers than even the passerby…

Why?

Because you are literally holding the future of civilization in your arms.

After all where do children learn what type of conduct to aspire to?
How do children learn to be a part of society?

I know, I know my love.

Right now the trend (and it is a trend) is to raise children who do not care what anyone thinks, who think only of themselves, who are seeking to rule the world. Especially if your child is female.

Given that the nature of humans is to connect, to seek place and social acceptance… what are we doing to our children when we raise them thusly?

Are we worrying to much that our children lead and not enough about if we have developed in them the qualities that would enable them to be a GOOD leader?

Given that the Feminine holds the Responsibility for the transmission of the Frequency of connection, beauty, inspiration, and so many of the soft skills upon which civilization is based – what are we doing to transmit that? Transmission is not held in words my love… it is in BEING.

Are we also teaching our daughters this sacred charge? Are we valuing it and so giving her INNATE value as a Feminine Vessel?

Make no mistake my love- I understand that many younger women have never been taught these ideas, skills and tools. Just because you do not know HOW to do something, or even know TO do something… doesn’t mean that not doing it is in some way empowering. Better. Beneficial.

Ignorance is not bliss… and it certainly is not excellence.
It’s just ignorance.

You dear mama, have a high calling… and it starts with the attitudes, behaviors, and energy that you are feeding to your child with mothers milk.

Restraint
Respect
Consideration

Children learn this through OUR behavior… not through what we say. Are you being the example my love? If not, are you willing to learn?

The future of our civilization depends on you.

PS. If this information is new to you, or resonant for you – This is why I do what I do and why my students choose the name “Mama Namaste” for me. I have a heart for giving to women the aspects and facets of our Feminine Authority/Power, and Responsibility/Grace that is left off the table at this time in our society. I invite you to join SOFT for more lessons – bit.ly/joinsoft